Across the country, the familiar echo of school bells ringing marks the start of another year. Children are excited to return to the classroom and to see their friends, and most parents are delighted to exchange the spontaneous days of summer for a more stable schedule. The shopping is over, pencils and paper are tucked into backpacks, and the exhilaration of “the first day” is here. Students wonder, What should I wear? Will others be nice to me? Will I fit in? School can mean stress!

Our Social Responsibility

Children who are in an environment where manners are taught and valued feel safer, experience higher morale, are healthier, and learn better. Those, however, in an environment where there is a lack of manners experience a higher level of anxiety, illness, absenteeism, depression, and poor grades. Surveys indicate that most Americans believe in the value of good manners and that our society is no longer as civil as it once was. Most people, though, don’t believe that they themselves are rude. Each of us has a social responsibility to do our part to create a more polite society.

Children learn what they live. A parent who yells at a coach on the field, and then continues to rip him apart during dinner, teaches his or her child far more than that the coach may have simply made a wrong call. Studies show that rudeness often progresses to bullying and then to abuse. To many, it seems that society no longer has limits. Rude behavior has become rampant today, and it is lethal to our emotional, physical, and financial health. It is highly destructive on every level.

Busyness Often Breeds Rudeness

The busyness of daily life can often breed rudeness. Many people claim to be too busy to say “please” and “thank you.” They’re in such a rush and too busy to even hold the door open for a person behind them…to let their host know if they can or cannot attend a function…too hurried to enjoy a meal with a loved one…or even to write a thank-you note. Lives that are overextended and overcommitted do not have the ability to live and move with ease and grace towards others. Almost everyone is pressed by traffic, ringing phones, emails, transporting children from one event to the next, meeting deadlines, and the guilt of not spending enough time with family and friends. The very act of one person being kind to another eases the stress of the moment and improves the quality of both lives.

Today’s youth deal with pressures that we adults never faced. Many children live in single-parent households and are entertained hour after hour and day after day by Hollywood—through television, movies, and music. In addition, they often spend untold hours in front of a computer screen—doing homework, chatting with friends, and surfing the Web. Thirty-four percent of children from age ten to seventeen are exposed to unwanted sexual material online, and cyber-bullying is said to be up fifty percent. There is often so much focus placed on children understanding how important they are that we have forgotten to teach them how important others are as well.

Our children need to be equipped to leave our homes and schools as responsible young adults, both socially and professionally. Employers often refer to young workers as the “501ers.” They do just what they have to do on the job and leave promptly and pompously at 5:01. Many employers hire etiquette coaches to do remedial training for their staff in the areas of social skills, proper dress, and basic grooming. Businesses realize the cost is far too high of not having a civil workplace.

A Civil and Safe Environment

Every person involved, even briefly, with a child influences him or her and helps to shape their character. Civility is both taught and caught from birth. Children must see polite, civil, kind behavior demonstrated for them to learn to be polite, civil, and kind. We must constantly review our own behavior and ask if it is “mentor” quality—or do we need a “manners make-over”? Let’s create an environment in our homes, schools, and churches where manners are taught and valued so that every child feels safe and becomes all she or he was created to be. We all will be better for it.

Your social comfort zone establishes the boundaries for your life. Most people take the same route to work every day, eat the same food, shop at the same stores, and visit with the same friends. We are indeed creatures of habit, and we tend to repeat behavior—unless something forces us to make a change.

Is your social comfort zone a prison or a playground? Do you feel locked and limited, or free to explore and expand? Insanity has been defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

The boundaries of one’s social comfort zone are established in childhood. An individual who is equipped with an excellent education and a wide range of experiences is best prepared to handle life with confidence, ease, and grace. A person who is impoverished socially will experience diminished self-esteem; he or she will withdraw from new experiences that others eagerly embrace and thus be limited.

Here are four ways you can expand your social comfort zone and increase your opportunities in life.

1. Gain Knowledge – There are endless opportunities today to learn anything you desire. The world of knowledge is only a Google search away; books, videos, podcasts, and teaching tools abound.
2. Take Classes – While books and individually oriented research are great ways to gather information, social skills are best developed in a group setting with a qualified coach who can guide you through the process.
3. New Experiences – Search out new opportunities and experiences beyond your comfort zone; it is in these situations that we discover our strengths and weaknesses. 
4. Practice – Daily practice and repetition are keys to mastery. Don’t wait to use your new skills until you are faced with a challenging situation. Remember, the time to study is not when you are taking the test! 

Eighty-five percent of success in life is based on strong social skills. What if you simply improved your skills slightly? Is it possible, then, that the quality of your life at home, in the community, and in the workplace might also improve? Over the years, I have worked with thousands of individuals who decided to expand their social comfort zone. Without exception, every person was so happy they finally set aside the time and took action. They found their new level of polish and confidence opened doors of opportunity that had previously been closed to them.

Bonus: As you expand your social comfort zone, you will also be expanding your children’s.

What are you selling, and who are your customers?

Whether or not you work for a company or some other kind of organization, you are selling yourself every day to those you meet. From the moment you get up in the morning to when you go back to bed at night, you are continually announcing who you are and what type of service or services you offer. You serve others on the job, in friendships, at church, and at home. Would those people describe you as first-class—or as second-hand?

Are you someone that others can trust? Can others count on you to do what you said you would do? Here are some other important questions to consider regarding qualities of first-class service:

• Are you on time for appointments?
• Is your clothing and grooming neat and appropriate?
• Do you maintain a positive attitude?
• Do you greet others and make them feel comfortable during conversations?
• Are you a good listener?
• Are your words kind and uplifting?
• Are others better because they interacted with you?

Civility and Integrity
The foundation of first-class service is civility and integrity. Civility is defined as the act of showing regard for others. It is demonstrated through respect, restraint, and responsibility. These values must be held by the CEO, those behind the scenes, the frontline personnel, and by the customer as well.

Two years ago I asked Dr. Audhesh Paswan, Ph.D., Department of Marketing and Logistics College of Business at the University of North Texas, to assist me with a survey on how people view the importance of civility, etiquette, and manners. The outcome was titled “Attitudes Toward Public Behavior.” The research showed that when a customer is treated poorly, he or she will most likely do business elsewhere. The second most-likely response was to be assertive and demand corrective actions, and the last—to be apathetic. Those who were likely to be assertive valued civility, etiquette, and manners the most. Those who deliver first-class service expressed their want to know when someone has experienced poor service so that they have the opportunity to correct the issue. If a customer simply leaves and does not let you know why, you lose that opportunity.

As a community, it makes good business sense to provide civility and etiquette training. Kind, courteous, respectful, and tolerant behavior should be commonplace in our homes, schools, churches, and businesses. As you acknowledge others with a smile, eye contact and a greeting, you let them know they matter. The person who continues talking on the phone, working on his or her computer, or thinking someone else will welcome the newcomer sends a negative message. In addition, choosing restraint in your words and behavior demonstrates integrity and builds trust with others. It is true: we are all customers, and we all are providing a service—so let’s make it first-class!

Civility Challenge
Think and speak well of others. Our thoughts become our words, and our words become our actions. This month look for opportunities to say kind things about others.

Nothing beats the slower pace of summer. There is time to enjoy moments sipping iced tea with a friend, taking a dip in the pool, sitting on the porch watching the sun set, and trading in our bulky winter clothes for the freedom of more minimal apparel.

Staying cool and looking polished is not always an easy task, especially if you work in an office environment. Clothing and grooming are instant communicators of who you are and provide others valuable cues about your professionalism.  Here are a few tips so you don’t let your image melt in the summer heat.

Dress Smart

Select clothing that breathes. Technology has not only changed how we communicate with each other, it has also transformed our fabric choices. High tech fabrics can keep you cool and wick perspiration away from your body. These features were first introduced into sportswear, but we are now seeing them spring forth in business clothing. 

Select wrinkle free fabrics. Who wants to spend their summer ironing or picking up laundry at the cleaners?

Don’t forget a jacket or wrap. Although the temperature may be sizzling outside, most buildings range from cool to downright cold. Also, a jacket provides greater authority if you are in a business setting.

Wear comfortable shoes. The most popular footwear in summer is flip flops. While they may be comfortable and cool, they are not professional. Podiatrists are now more concerned about the impact of flip flops on the health of your feet and knees than they are about high heels. Make sure your footwear is comfortable, appropriate for the setting you are in, and supports good health.

Deliver the Details

Be well groomed. Summer heat not only causes horses to sweat, it leaves people dripping with perspiration. Extra attention to bathing is a must.

Create hair free zones. Ladies, pay special attention to those parts of the body that make their summer debut. Whether you shave, wax, or use a laser treatment, you must remain hair free.

Bare feet deserve extra attention. With sandals and flip flops the mainstay of footwear, your feet must be in tip top shape. Schedule a pedicure every few weeks, or treat yourself to one at home.

Don’t forget the sunscreen! I know we hear this all the time, but along with soap and water, it is a must! Apply enough, and apply it often!

Fresh breath is the gold standard of good grooming. Summers packed with travel and fun activities don’t always allow time to brush. When you are on the road, or in the air, and a toothbrush is not near, consider using one of the new disposable teeth cleaners! They slip over your finger, you brush, and toss. Keep a few in your bag or pocket for those times you need to freshen your breath away from home. If you haven’t tried one, we can send you a free sample from DentaBurst!  Email me your name and address and we will send you a few.

 "Civility – Always in style – A wardrobe basic – Perfect accessory – Fits every ‘body’! ~ Deborah King 

What is dinnertime like at your house? For many, it is simply another interruption in an already-packed schedule. Cookbook options have been replaced with “Which fast-food establishment shall we drive through tonight?” Foods loaded with sugar, fat, and salt are eaten by hand, out of a paper bag, on the way to the next activity. Did you know that the average American consumes an entire meal in five to six minutes, and yet it takes our stomach about twenty minutes to send the message to our brain that we are full? Large and “super- sized” portions, eaten fast and on the run, have robbed us of our health and of the enjoyment of the food we eat.

Why should we be concerned with what has happened to the traditional family dinner hour?—that experience of life when a meal is carefully planned, the table is properly set, and the family gathers around to catch up on the activities of the day. This is the setting where we nourish our bodies with a well-balanced meal, learn and practice table manners, and discover the art and joy of conversation. This is the stage where relationships are developed and nurtured. Studies have shown that when families eat dinner together, children do better in school, their health is improved, and they have fewer social problems.

People from all walks of life come to Final Touch, asking for information on dining etiquette. Because they rarely sit for a half hour or longer at the table for meals, many have not mastered the ability to set a table properly and are overwhelmed by how to handle their utensils or the several situations that arise during an elegant meal. Unfortunately, this lack of knowledge is often discovered at the moment they are faced with a more formal setting. As I say during our seminars, “The time to study is not when you are taking the test!” It is troubling to think of how many opportunities have been lost by poor table manners, not to mention the loss of self-esteem.

Everywhere we look, we are faced with the latest diet fad. Obesity is at an all-time high in the United States, creating an enormous health crisis and destroying our self-image. Most of us have witnessed those who have tried every diet that comes along, and nothing seems to work. A few pounds lost, then regained—and a couple extra for the next diet fad. We need to get off the diet rollercoaster and rethink how we view food. Food is not a bad thing to be avoided. Proper portions—served beautifully, enjoyed with those you love, and eaten with respect—will do great things in achieving and maintaining a healthy body.

The modeling and entertainment industry have sold us a lie that ultra-thin is the goal. A healthy body indeed does have shape, but our goal is to be healthy in our bodies and in our relationships so that we can live the life we were created to live.

Can you hear the drum beating ever so softly? It is calling us to return to the family table and experience the true art of dining. The joy of reconnecting with those you love will far outweigh the time and effort spent. Here’s to discovering and celebrating a healthier you!

July is National Cell Phone Courtesy Month and a great time to review cell phone etiquette. 

Civility surveys consistently list cell phone abuse at the top of the list, and for good reason. Even with all the information available about how and when to use a cell phone, there are those who seem to think their situation is somehow exempt. 

We have all been held captive by someone in a public place loudly chatting about personal information. I recently was at an airport waiting for my flight and endured an hour of listening to a woman who was seated across the room loudly discussing her pending divorce. All of us in the area probably knew more about that woman’s legal and personal affairs than even her attorney.

Here are a few reminders to keep you out of the Cell Phone Hall of Shame.

• Select a ringtone with a professional sound. Better yet, set your phone on vibrate.
• Speak in a clear voice at an appropriate level.
• Be aware of background noise.
• Avoid multi-tasking when using your phone.
• Be considerate of the time you talk. Time is money! 
• Avoid constantly checking your phone.
• Most public areas are not appropriate places to carry on a conversation. Remember the telephone booth? 
• Avoid wearing your Bluetooth unless making a call. They are not a fashion accessory! 
• If a call gets dropped, the person who placed the call should be the one to call back.
• Never text when driving! This has been shown to be equal to having four drinks before getting behind the wheel! Check out this video on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDvGdHqP9Co&feature=player_embedded#!
• Limit calls when driving and use hands-free devices. In many states, it’s the law!
• Remember, anytime you text or talk when with another person you are saying there is something else more important to you than them. Never a good message.  

 Here's to safe and civil communications!

Wouldn’t it be great to have a career that you loved so much you couldn’t wait for Monday mornings?  I am happy to say that I do!

Recently, I was named Highline Community College 2010 Most Distinguished Alumni. What an incredible honor! The award was presented to me at commencement where I was asked to give a short speech. As I prepared, I thought about how I am often told I am so lucky to do what I love. I don’t believe luck has much to do with where I am today. My life is nothing more than the result of a series of choices I have made since youth, and, so is yours. Here are five secrets of a successful career.

1. Passion  - What you are passionate about is often a key to what you are called to do. Passion energizes, motivates, inspires and rejuvenates you. It is the fuel that gets you through each day.
2. Mastery – Learn all there is to know about your subject. And, keep learning.
3. Excellence – Whatever you do, do it well! Excellence is doing the right thing every time – even when no one is looking.
4. Civility – Treat all people, as well as animals and the environment, with respect, care and consideration. This will be reflected in your appearance, behavior and communication.
5. Gratitude – Maintain an attitude of gratitude. Look for something to be grateful for every day.

Some claim to be self-made. In reality, the success of one is only realized by the investment of many. Teachers, coaches, mentors, colleagues, clients, friends and family have all had a part in shaping who we have become.

Highline had a part in shaping who I am today. Every teacher and every class added something unique to me. Dr. Buchan is one of those teachers who modeled for me the secrets of success. I can’t tell you everything he taught in each class, much to his sorrow I am sure, but I can tell you how he inspired me.

He was a master of every subject he taught. He did not simply recite stale information from a book. He breathed life into every topic and provided an experience as real as my morning coffee. He demonstrated excellence in all he did and said in the classroom. I am sure that was not easy to do, especially on those cold, rainy Seattle mornings when we had an 8am class. He delivered each subject with passion. Even if you were not interested in the subject initially, his passion was compelling and intoxicating. He treated every student respectfully – even those who chose to sleep through class.

Every successful person I know has discovered their passion and pursued it. They do not simply look for where the most money can be made, or what is the hot market of the day. They study their passion and achieve a level of mastery that others admire. They deliver all they do with a spirit of excellence. And, they have found a way to serve others from their field.

Their passion, mastery and excellence inspire all who meet them. Their Monday mornings are just as exciting as their Friday afternoons. Are you one of those individuals!

Cooling off at the lake or beach, while sipping on your favorite beverage, is a great way to spend the long hot days of summer.   Some of my fondest memories are from summers past. The relaxed schedule provides time to listen to the birds sing, smell the salt air, hear the roar of the ocean, gather around the campfire roasting marshmallows, and sharing secrets under the stars. Here, we are able to refresh our heart, our body, and our spirit. During this time, technology should be set aside.  There will be plenty of time for emails, text-messaging, video games, and movies when we return to the routines of daily life.

Outdoor activities are front and center during the summer months and whether you are at the beach, boating, or camping, you are a guest in the great outdoors. Every place you visit should be left in better condition than you found it. Treating the environment respectfully is a hallmark of good stewardship and an important value to pass on to the children you influence.

• Safety is priority number one! Accidents are a sure way to ruin a fun day.
• Wear sunscreen and apply it often.
• Use bug repellant and know what may lurk in the environment you are in.
• Keep yourself well hydrated and properly nourished.
• Swim in designated areas that you are competent to handle.
• Make sure you wear a life jacket when engaged in water activities.
• Build campfires in designated areas only and keep a watchful eye on them.
• Let others know the activities you will be engaged in and when you will return.

Be considerate of others who are in your area. Consider the content and volume of your speech, your dress, and general behavior.  Think ‘family friendly’! If you have children in your care, it is your responsibility to make sure they are safe, they have fun, and they do not offend others.

Pets often travel with us when we are away from home, and extra attention is needed to ensure their safety and the safety of others. Check in advance to see if the place you are going is pet friendly and what is required for their stay.

• Make sure your pet is properly trained and ready for the public.
• Supply plenty of fresh cool water.
• Protect your pet from the summer sun and heat.
•  Maintain your pet’s regular diet and eating schedule.
• Keep them on a leash when around other people and other pets.
• Make sure your pet’s vaccinations are up-to-date and you have their records with you.
• Require children to ask permission before they approach your pet and you are present.
• Clean up after your pet.

Whether you are away for the day, a weekend, or week, everyone should be involved in the day’s activities; including, meal preparation and clean-up.  Spend some time thinking about creative and healthy meal options that require very little work on-site. A small amount of preplanning will ensure nutritious meals and ease of preparation.

Finally, keep your schedule light to allow for unexpected moments. These are typically the ones that will create the fondest memories.