It has been said that saying please and thank you, in any language, opens doors and warms relationships. This has never been more true than today. 

Growing up in a small Seattle community during the late 50’s and early 60’s, everyone looked like me, spoke like me, dressed like me, enjoyed the same type of foods as me, and celebrated the same holidays. Today, that is not the case. That same community, not so small any more, is richly diverse. No longer do we need to travel to another country to experience ethnic cuisine, apparel, and a foreign language. Our world has become a global community. As wonderful as this is, it does present challenges to both our personal and professional lives.

When we live or work shoulder-to-shoulder with others who come from different backgrounds we are required to develop new interpersonal skills so that we can effectively communicate with them. Understanding another language is often where people stop, and yet, this is just the beginning. We must also understand body language, customs, and a bit of another’s history. Armed with this knowledge, we are more likely to build bridges with those we encounter and each of these experiences broadens and enriches our lives.

During a ten day training program in Japan, I was again reminded how small our world is, and how all of us desire to know what to say and what to do in any situation. Uncertainty in social settings shatters our confidence and causes most to withdraw from new opportunities.

The graciousness of the Japanese people is remarkable. Their custom of bowing is so honoring of others. On first glance one may think there is little need for training in manners and image, and yet, when you listen closely, there is the familiar echo of, “Am I doing the right thing?”

An intimate group of boys and girls gather in a small hotel room where we spend the next week learning how to handle a variety of social settings with confidence. Each of the children – ages 5 to 12 – either have, or are, attending an international school, so their English is very good. As an American, I still must be aware of filtering my language so that I avoid using examples that do not translate into their culture properly.

We spend every meal practicing how to sit up straight, use a napkin, chew with mouths closed, correctly use a knife and fork, how to hold stemware, and conduct polite table conversation. Every meal offered is a new experience. We enjoy formal French cuisine, authentic Japanese, Chinese, English Tea, and several informal buffets. It is a delight to see their confidence soar as they master so many dining settings. Again and again I remind them, “It is not about the food, it is about building relationships, and oh, by the way, we are going to eat!”

From handshakes to bows they practice how to meet and greet others, how to carry on a conversation, the importance of good grooming and appropriate clothing. Our foundation is kindness and respect for self, others, and property. It is the ability to put others at ease and for you to feel comfortable. It is about doing the right thing and doing it with the right attitude. Children from every culture understand this.

An upscale department store in Osaka provides me with an interesting observation. Each employee stops and bows at a line on the floor as they enter and exit the store. This nonverbal custom expresses honor and gratitude to the shoppers. Some employees bowed with sincerity and others did so half-heartedly. Attitude is everything! No matter what language we speak our nonverbal communication does provide a clear understanding of our attitude and will either build a bridge or build a barrier.

For additional information on various cultures I suggest you read Roger Axtell’s series of books on Do’s and Taboos.