Civil Communication Tips 

Civil people consider their language and how it may affect others. This is especially true at home. The words spoken to and around a child frames the way he or she views the world. A child who is exposed to language that is vulgar, violent, mean-spirited, and demeaning may become withdrawn and depressed, or he or she may act out in the same manner toward others. A child who experiences language that is kind, loving, thoughtful, and encouraging is more likely to feel safe and view the world and others in a positive way. A civil home embraces respectful language.

• Think before you speak. Just because you can say something does not mean you should. The age old advice, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” requires self-control and still applies today.
• Say please and thank you often. In one of my children’s etiquette programs a child raised her hand and asked when she would be old enough to not have to say please and thank you anymore. I was surprised by her question and asked her why she was asking. She said she never hears her parents saying please and thank you and wanted to know when she could also quit. Fred Astaire said that "the hardest job kid’s face these days is learning good manners without seeing any."
• Respect the elderly and those in authority. Parents, grandparents, teachers, clergy, and government officials should be honored for the position they hold. When disagreements arise, demeaning language or rude behavior is not tolerated; instead, you look for ways to respectfully appeal to authority. 
• Learn how to resolve conflict. Being civil does not mean you must agree with everyone, nor does it mean that you should avoid difficult issues. When faced with conflict, keep the focus on the issue –not the person.  Instead of being judgmental, try being empathetic. Imagine what it may be like to be in the other person’s shoes. Listen for the things that you have in common and that you can agree upon. This helps to keep the tone of the conversation positive. At times, you may simply need to agree to disagree.
• Establish technology free zones. During these times everyone unplugs and focuses on those who are present. Children who primarily communicate through technology are not developing valuable face-to-face communication skills. In fact, I have parents tell me they have started texting just so they could communicate with their teen. While texting has its place and value, it cannot replace face-to-face communication. Family mealtimes are a great place to establish a technology free zone. This provides family members the opportunity to learn about what has taken place in each person’s day. During this time, communication is focused and verbal and nonverbal skills are developed.