We have all experienced times dining out where young children have been present and out of control. They were a disruption to everyone – including the restaurant staff. Unfortunately, age does not guarantee good manners; but here are a few things to keep in mind when dining out with the family.

The first thing to remember is that public dining is just that: “public.” You are no longer in the comfort of your own home and must be considerate of those around you. Unfortunately, there is a growing attitude of entitlement when it comes to public dining. Many boldly proclaim that it is their right to eat where they like; after all, isn’t the restaurant being paid to cook, serve, clean, and meet every request with joy? Personal responsibility has been limited to paying the bill.

Parents, exhausted from a long day at work, are looking for relief and support in feeding their children. After a busy day, they just want to unwind and rest. Forgotten is the couple who may be seated next to them who has hired a babysitter and would also like an evening of relaxation. As one client told me, “I look forward to a nice romantic dinner with my wife and don’t want to be interrupted by a young screaming child demanding a soda.”

Many parents believe their child is well behaved and should not be punished for those who misbehave. If their child were to act out, they would be quick to simply get up and leave.

Public-friendly dining requires parents to properly prepare their child for what behavior is expected at a restaurant.

Age Appropriate
Start by selecting a restaurant that will be a pleasant experience for all family members.
Be realistic. A two-year-old is not mature enough to manage their behavior during a leisurely evening meal in a five-star restaurant. 

Type of Restaurant
Select a family-friendly restaurant. There are many options in every community from which families can choose. 

• Will you be seated quickly?
• Is there needed seating such as high chairs or booster seats?
• Is there a children’s menu?
• Are there child-friendly activities such as crayons or a playground?
• Will you be able to place your order quickly?
• Does the food require the use of a knife and fork?
• Will the food arrive quickly?

Appropriate Skills
What skills does your child need in order for the experience to be positive for all? Just like thinking about the clothing one will wear to a certain venue, thought should be given to how one will be expected to behave.

• Chew with your mouth closed.
• Use your napkin.
• Say please and thank you.
• Speak in a low voice.
• Eat neatly.

Practice and patience are essential to teaching children appropriate behavior. Start at home and then provide bite-sized opportunities in public for your child to practice his or her new skills. 

Other Solutions
This topic stirs passion on both sides. Here are some solutions that my clients and friends have shared with me.

• Restaurants should have “Family Friendly Dinner Hours.”
• Restaurants could post a sign stating, “Well behaved children are a delight.” This would be similar to the “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service” sign.
• Require children to pass a certified manners class where they are issued a card which parents present to restaurants. This card could be renewed annually and would be a measure of assurance to the restaurant that the child is able to handle themselves appropriately. 

Positive Reinforcement
Years ago, a brother and sister attended one of my children’s dining classes. A few days following the class, the children’s parents announced they would be going to a restaurant for dinner. The siblings quietly decided to practice everything they had learned in the class a few days prior. On their own, they rushed to their room and put on their best clothing. Their mom and dad were quite surprised but didn’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt the moment. The brother opened his sister’s door and in the restaurant pulled out her chair. Each placed their napkin on their lap and politely ordered their meal. Mom and Dad were speechless.

Throughout the meal, they were aware of not chewing with their mouth open, saying “please” and “thank you,” participating in polite table talk, and sitting up straight. They didn’t realize it, but (as it was told to me) a grandma and grandpa were seated nearby, watching them. As the older couple finished their meal, they approached the table. They said, “I am so sorry to interrupt your meal, but we could not help but notice the beautiful table manners your children have. Would it be ok if we paid for any dessert that they would like?”

Well, you can imagine the look on the children’s faces and the response of the parents! As I tell the children in our classes, when you practice polite table manners, I cannot promise you that anyone will buy your dessert, but I can promise that people will notice and appreciate your good manners.

It is my experience that a well-mannered child is welcome in most any environment. Good manners do begin at home; around the family table, manners and civility are mastered. The benefits of these skills cannot be overstated.

So, what do you think? I posted a poll on Final Touch Finishing School, Inc. Facebook Fan Page. Please vote and post your thoughts: http://www.facebook.com/FinalTouchFinishingSchool